Things that helped me stop caring about the “health and fitness” bandwagon:
- Drinking soda in public and being terrified and embarrassed and paranoid that every person around me thought no wonder she’s so fat, what a horrible example, that’s disgusting, etc.
- Understanding that this was me projecting my own insecurities about indulging in a damn drink onto strangers
- Being ashamed of any and everything I ate that wasn’t homemade and full of vegetables
- Holding my eating habits against myself
- Being too ashamed of my body to leave the house
- Being too ashamed of my body to invest in flattering clothing because I believed there was nothing to flatter
- Being paranoid, embarrassed, and of course ashamed, when I would check out at the grocery store and I felt like every person around me had healthier carts of food
- Feeling like every single person saw my cart and thought no wonder she’s so fat and disgusting
And crying and never having anything good to say about myself and being desperate for other peoples approval and want and not being able to go to the gym to make attempts to accomplish this because I was always always always too ashamed.
And so I stopped. I left my “fitblr” and its dashboard full of material that shamed me for my inability to follow through. I bought foods I enjoyed and cooked healthily when I could. I drink soda and eat ice cream. I pursue things that make me feel good about myself like piercings and tattoos and wingtip eyeliner and admire parts of me that are intrinsically linked to the weight I’ve gained. I still don’t appreciate my body like I should, and I really do miss the joy I got in succeeding in TKD and weight lifting, but the pressure is gone.
Being fat or chubby isn’t BAD. It might not be what I want for myself, and having people pick at the fact that I’m fatter or have gained weight still has the ability to shove me into self loathing, but its not BAD. Theres nothing wrong with my body, my doctors have never said anything about my weight, the friends who care about me have never picked at my weight, and anybody who does needs to understand where their fear and dislike for it is coming from because its certainly not from me. I am beautiful and talented and strong and I come in an extra squishy package with a wrinkly, stretch marked, over hanging stomach.
Smile!Sweat!Learn! // 4th October 2013 // 141,411 notes
Have you ever seen a painting of an elephant? Probably. What about a picture of an elephant painting a painting of an elephant? No? Well meet Suda who lives in Maetaeng Elephant Park in Chiang Mai, Thailand. The park was created to provide a unique and safe environment where all elephants are treated well and are free of harm from poachers. In the early years, Suda along with other elephants would paint abstract brush strokes on paper, and slowly over time, they learned to produce two and three dimensional art. They have an incredible ability to trace back over their original brush stroke. Elephants have a keen memory and show that here by being able to repeat the same paintings and techniques.
i havent shaved my legs in a really long time and while i was babysitting my skirt edged up a bit and the seven year old i was watching said “ew you should shave that hairs not supposed to be there” and i said “well if its not supposed to be there then why does it grow there?” and he was really silent for a long time and then finally said “lets watch sonic the hedgehog”
Reclaiming Fitspo - Amna Al Haddad
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates — In a private gym tucked away in the warren of villas in the ritzy Jumeirah district here, Amna Al Haddad, a 22-year-old, adjusted her head scarf, bent to a dumbbell rack and jerked 100 pounds, roughly her body weight, into the air.
“I can lift a boy up,” she said.
Al Haddad is one of 12 women who train as competitive weight lifters in the United Arab Emirates, combating the stigma of lifting as a “man’s sport” in the Arab country, whose local population — despite the presence of bikini-clad foreigners for decades — holds to its conservative Muslim tradition.
Weight lifting is often confused with bodybuilding in the Emirates and women who take part are often seen as masculine, or lesbian, which is a crime in the U.A.E.
“A lot of women say, ‘Wow, look at her body,’ ” Al Haddad said. “They ask me how to get lean, and when I say I weight lift, they get scared. But it’s the 21st century now. I don’t want to get married until I make the Olympics.”
That awkward moment when you ran up the stairs and now you’re trying to hide your heavy breathing like it’s no big deal but you’re actually pretty winded and dear god you need to work out.